Random stuff of utmost importance
Am selling a CATS ticket valid for the 8.00pm show on 1st May 2009 at the Esplanade Theatre. Seat 7, Row P. Bought for 153SGD. Of course I’m selling it for a lower price. Drop me a comment with your email for more details!
I would really like to go for this show. But unfortunately, due to some circumstances arising from my own stupidity, I have to give this a miss. WHAT A FUCKING WASTE! I might just slap myself.
P/s: My apologies, twin!
I don’t like to sleep late because I tend to think a lot at night.
But I cannot enter slumberland because I cannot stop thinking.
I don’t like having dreams because I don’t like to. I find it disrupting and compromising on the quality of my sleep.
I’m feeling a little left out and unappreciated at the moment.
I feel like that some times. Actually quite a lot of times.
I always end up telling myself that it’s all right. People just forget to care. They’re always busy.
Then I start to think about how busy people can get.
Then I start to think about my flaws and whether my friends get turned off by them.
Then I start getting worried about whether my friends feel burdened by our friendship. As in, am I someone they detest but are just friends with because they cannot shake me off?
Then I start feeling a little disappointed because I assume that I care about them most of the time. Giving the credit they deserve. Showing my appreciation. So why don’t they do that too?
Then I start wondering if I’m too annoying to them? Because all I want to do is to cheer people up. But ends up that I’m the one who might be irritating them too much.
Then I start wishing my friends and family will not put me down so much sometimes. Yes I might be self-deprecating at times, but too much sarcasm/friendly insults can be hurting too.
Now I’m thinking if I’m being too sensitive or too calculating? Wanting people to treat me as I treated them? That if I’m caring, then that they care for me too? But things don’t always work that way.
I should know better. Really. Now I feel kinda mad at myself for letting such small stuff get to me.
No time for silliness anymore. It’s time for bed.
And btw, I’m not depressed. Just a deep thinker.
If I were to pick a favourite spot in my home besides my bed and study table, it has to be the floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room. It’s a ritual for me to stand in front of the windows twice daily, day and night. The view tells me so much; it helps me estimate the day and time, whether its the tournament season for schools, the weather, any important lunar dates etc etc.
My day only starts after I’ve looked out of the window. That’s when I start planning what to wear, what time I should head out, and curse the cricket-players and students from making so much noise. If I’m holed up at home, I rest my eyes by looking out of the window once again, taking in the beautiful greenery and spying on where that barky stray dog is running off to. At night, the darkness takes me in and I feel its serenity, signifying the end of yet another day.
When I feel stressed, that’s the spot to go. I once sat in front of the window for 3 hours, with nothing but chocolate and a cup of rose tea. Just looking. Nothing I saw was important, nothing extraordinary. But that inner peace I got, was extremely satisfying. Whatever frizzes just disappeared.
Unfortunately, new HDB flats are being built in front my my block. It’ll decrease the amount my eyes can take in by say 20 – 30%. Huge difference. And there’s nothing I can do about it because Singapore needs to increase her population to remain competitive. And the country’s needs are more important than my selfish desires of keeping my view clean.
Now, everytime I look out of the window, I feel a twinge of bitterness in my heart. Knowing that peace and tranquility shall soon be forsaken in my neighbourhood for some hustle and bustle. And I cannot stop it from happening.
Well, well. Till then, I shall just have to soak up whatever I can from the window view, as much as possible, before the view changes to my neighbour’s living room.
So many things to do, so little time.
After finishing all the projects, with marks to reflect the haphazard work of mine, it’s time for e-x-a-m-s.
On top of my part-time job, I have to revise my work to ensure a pass and find time to visit Uniqlo and Ikea. And plan my trip. This trip is pretty different. Intensive and mind-boggling.
As much as I love planning for trips, sometimes I wonder, why do I always seem to bite off more than I can chew.
To that group member who has made the first 3 semesters of my university life hell:
I’m really glad that you’re gone. Although the way you left, once again proved how irresponsible, selfish and immature you are.
You think you always choose the hard way to learn. Please, wake up. I think that’s narcissism on your part. You ALWAYS take the EASY way out of situations. Whether it’s quitting school, getting you mom to complain, not doing your part for projects, apologizing and finding excuses. All too easy on you. See how you always get others to solve your problems and always just yak, yak, yak, without any action to resolve anything?
If there is one thing you still owe me (and the other project mate), is an apology. For having to tolerate your incompetence and laziness. I have to admit, I brought this on myself because I should have just refused to work with you after the first semester, when we had a taste of your “working style”. If you even did any work at all.
It wasn’t easy telling you to leave, so we chose to tolerate, and that has taken a toll on us. Physically and mentally. Having 2 people do 4 people’s worth of work is no easy feat. And mind you, those project grades you got? They were pretty good grades without any effort on your part. And we didn’t get a word of thanks, nor did you feel shamed at having others do your work for you.
I hated it when others tell us to just ask you to “fuck off”. Easy for them to say, because they don’t have to see your pitiful face and sorry excuses and put up with others thinking we’re evil for kicking you out. But thinking about it now, why did I care? You were lazy, pathetic and shameless and I don’t think that deserved any form of sympathy from us. I should have listened to them. If I did, my university days would have been much more enjoyable, that I am very sure of.
Thinking back of your “silent exit”, I find you even more miserable than ever. To be really honest, I find you revolting and contemptible. You have spun off a list of similes to describe your wretched behaviour that is too vulgar to be listed here, and you have made me swear never to call my kid “Melissa”, just in case she’ll end up like you.
I deeply regret even telling you off nicely over dinner to get you to improve your working attitude. I should have just blasted and embarrassed you in public. I think you deserve that much more than what I gave you. Apparently, slow talk and motivation doesn’t work with you because you always choose to escape. Escape from the truth, escape from hard work, escape from reality.
Fine by me, really. If that’s the way you choose to live your life. Like an ostrich. Always lusting after material goods, always acting like someone else. I find it abominable, execrable and offensive, but just as well. I have long accepted that I can never get along with you and that you find pleasing people a personal lifetime goal.
I hope our paths will never cross, ever again. My experience with you has tainted my life more than I wish it did and I don’t want it to happen again. I am apt at forgetting what I want to forget and with this post, you shall cease to exist. From now on, you shall just a random being that provides exciting fodder with your fucked-up decisions and behaviour.
Goodbye. Forever.
P/s: To all those who read this. Please do not ask me about why the subject left school or whatever. I do not know and I do not give a shit. She can really just drop dead for all I care. I am not her spokesperson, nor any acquaintance of hers. If gossip is what you want, get it from the subject herself. If she does concede, I can just imagine her gladly filling you in on her colourful life story, quipped with her characteristic vanity.
Of all the files that were lost when my comp crashed, was a 8-page list of titles that I want to read.
Feeling a little lost when realization hit me hard; that I can’t replicate that list. Some obscure titles that I got through reading random sites and articles might never appear in front of my eyes again.
I think I’m going to make another list on the comp, AND the ancient way. Hand-written. I don’t think I could risk losing another list again.
I cannot find any other reason that I am so damn down on my luck this week.
Following the abrupt departure of that bitch of a group mate (more on that in another post!), my laptop’s hard disk just died on me. Everything.
EVERYTHING.
E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.
IS GONE!!!!
Projects, mp3s, photos! All lost somewhere in the digital world! May Neo find them for me.
Luckily I saved my projects in my thumbdrive. So I won’t be as dumb as that groupmate and use the excuse she has used before.
Rushing to meet a deadline tomorrow. But here’s a lesson I learnt.
Stupidity, self-pity and irresponsibility has no limits. Really. If you haven’t met anybody like that, lucky you. I can introduce that “thing” to you to spice up your life.
The week of project deadlines are here. Once again.
On hiatus to handle them and get away from that group member.
We all know which one.
When I was in my teens, I went through the phase of wishing I could grow up faster, hating adults who think they know everything and when I reached 20, I wished that I was younger.
Boy, am I glad to leave those erratic, senseless, frivolous days.
Not that I enjoy aging. But now that I am just a little older, I realize that with age, there is a certain knowing and grace you attain from all those growing-up experiences. And an acceptance that those experiences are going to increase. On hindsight, I think I still occasionally display the characteristics I mentioned above. In fact, I do enjoy being unpredictable at times just so I could torment people. But yet with the increasing number of years lived, the more I learn and the more curious I get. I like that.
Aging is not about acquiescence as a way of life. To me, it’s accepting, only after questioning what you don’t know. I don’t think aging changes much of people’s innate character. It only changes your point of view because of all that you have once gone through. Rather, I see it as a way a person’s reaction to the environment changes.
I could say all this for myself only because I am still as nosy as my younger self, though I attempt to make it more subdued now. And because I just watch The Matrix Reloaded on tv and I don’t think I would have understood it if I watched it during its run in 2003, not unlike my brother who dozed off watching it.
I think I might possibly be insomniac. My thoughts are racing around in my brain, impossible to catch and positively increasing speed each time I request they decelerate. I can’t make them stop and I can’t figure them out as well. What a weird dilemma to get into.
(Source)
I shall try to get some sleep. Regardless whether my brain needs that rest or not.
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